By Jennifer Kustes

Throughout the years of raising kids, it can be difficult for couples to remain close and maintain their romantic connection. Many couples find themselves lost in the hustle and bustle of raising their children, and they forget that they were a couple first.

Many parents can make the mistake of focusing only on the kids, with the belief that their own relationship can wait. However, they can find that after many years of child rearing, they have each grown and changed so much that they don’t know each other anymore.

In order to stay close while raising children, couples must find a balance between focusing on the kids, but not so much that they lose sight of each other. Rozanne Rucker, a family therapist at Feinberg and Associates, says it helps to remember that the best gift parents can give a child is a loving, stable relationship.

It is important for parents to stay close because the center of the family is the marital unit, not the children, Rucker says. "If you’re not stable, you can’t take care of the kids," she says.

Rucker says parents need to continue to give their relationship a priority because if they find themselves in a business relationship, they can lose the friendship and romantic connection. Parents need to take time for each other and be a couple.

There are several ways parents can continue to be a couple. They can have a regular date night. "It’s important to date your spouse," Rucker says. Couples can also find time to connect during the day as grown-ups, such as taking a walk, talking, and catching up on each other’s day. Regular getaways can also help keep romance going. A change of scenery can revitalize a marriage. Couples can develop a shared interest, hobby or activity, and they can also develop individual interests and share them with each other.

If parents do find they have drifted apart, there are several ways they can come back together. First, Rucker says, they have to be deliberate and make a plan. They have to figure out how to build in time for each other, and how to communicate love to one another. It also helps a couple to remember why they fell in love and rekindle those feelings.