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All Praise Be to
Your Glory!
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The Sermon
The Reverend Coomers Prays for 2002
Last year about this time, I sent up some wishes to that heavenly jook joint where Howlin’ Wolf rules, hoping for more light to be let in to the world of rock and roll in 2001. Without looking back on ‘em, I can pretty much assure you that I did some mighty vain hollering, but you’re a damn fool if you think it’s gonna stop me from doing it again. If I want too many things, well...I’m a human being.
1. Please let the faux soul ululations of “alternative” radio come to a halt. You’d think it was Eddie Vedder, not Kurt Cobain, who started the “revolution.”
2. While we’re on the topic of vocal style, please erase the modern pop equation that uncontrolled melismatics equal good singing. R&B radio might as well be muzak...but that’s not fair to muzak. Nor is it fair to R&B, ‘cause all other mainstream programming boasts their own replicant equations, which add up to money.
3. Please let at least one of these fucking shameful post-disaster opportunists stand in the light for even the blind to see. There’s so goddam many: Lee Greenwood, Aaron Tippin, Whitney Houston, even (even?) Paul McCartney. Are we that dumb that we can’t see hack exploitation for what it is? Arggggggggggggggggghhhhhhh!!!!
4. Please let Jerry Lee, Link, Chuck, Little Richard, Cash, Andre, Ike, R. L., Wanda J., George, Keith (the youngster of the bunch), and __________________ (fill in your own concerns) see another rocking year.
5. Please give us more surprising radio moments like “Because I’m High” and “Clint Eastwood.”
6. Please bring us more young artists unafraid to sing the truth, more young artists who know their history, more young artists who say, “Fuck history!” and fewer young artists who vomit their suburban angst all over themselves and us.
7. Please kill SPIN, ROLLING STONE, MTV, and VH1.
8. Please give us more music worthy of writing about, worthy of playing again and again, worthy of crawling out of our holes to hear live, worthy of remembering.
9. Please let someone reissue the George Jones Starday recordings!
10. Please help everyone in my congregation (and in all the others in rawkdom) live intelligently, bravely, and enthusiastically. Let ‘em live period, with love and anger working hand in hand in their hearts! And make sure they remember that great rock and roll is democracy in action, baby--one of the last places to observe it.
And Chester, I know you’re wondering what we’re gonna do for you. We’re gonna be sure you’re not forgotten, and sing your praises in our chains like the sea.
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