October 30, 2004
Topic: Stress and Coping This month's meeting was held on October 30, 2004 and the Topic was "Stress and Coping". Below are several articles dealing with coping with the holidays. Also I wanted to bring your attention to the Million Letter Campaign. This looks like a way to bring awareness to FMS and the effects it has on our lives. For more click on the link. 
Million Letter Campaign Here is a chance to get national recognition for the pain sufferers of FMS/CFIDS. Needed are patients willing to write a one page letter about their experience with FMS.
The plan is to have a MASS mailing (1 Million Letters) to go to the White House (First Lady), ABC News (20/20), Montel Williams (who has M.S.), 60 Minutes (Mike Wallace has had CFIDS), and FOX NEWS on MAY 1, 2005, so taht they will arrive in time for the next Fibromyalgia Awareness Day on May 12, 2005
Click on the image to the left for more details.
Surviving The Holidays
Give yourself the G.I.F.T. of a stress-free holiday
by Karen Lee Richards
Reprinted from www.fmaware.org Does the thought of another holiday season fill you with joyful anticipation or overwhelm you with fear and dread? The average person considers the holidays at least somewhat stressful. For people with fibromyalgia, who are already struggling to cope with daily life in general, the added demands and stresses of the holidays can trigger a flare of fibromyalgia symptoms. While you may not be able to totally avoid all stress, you can reduce your stress level significantly by giving yourself a G.I.F.T.
G -- Guilt must go -- Guilt is born when you fail to live up to your own expectations for yourself. Year after year you are bombarded with a "magical mythical model" of the idyllic holiday scene - complete with family, friends, food and festivities, encompassed in a spirit of peace and goodwill for all. If this is the holiday image you are trying to achieve, it is time for a reality check. The fact is, you have a chronic pain illness which limits what and how much you can do. It's time to stop blaming yourself because you can't provide the elaborate holiday festivities you once did or because you can't do everything you think your family expects you to do. It's time to remember what the holidays are really about - expressing your love and thankfulness for family and friends. There are many ways to express those feelings without damaging your body in the process. Decide right now that you will refuse to accept any feelings of guilt because of what you cannot do. Instead, focus your attention on what you can do. Then gather that old guilt up into a big ball, kick it out, and lock the door behind it!
I -- Importance rules -- Do not let the holiday season descend upon you like a heavy weight. Decide which aspects of the holidays are most important to you and your immediate family. Focus on accomplishing the most important things and let everything else go. (If spending quality time together visiting is more important than a huge home-cooked meal, have your holiday dinner at a restaurant so you can relax and enjoy each other's company.) Once you have decided what is most important to you for the holidays, share this with your immediate family. Then ask each family member what is most important to them (an elaborately decorated house, lots of baked goodies on hand, a big home-cooked dinner, visiting with other relatives, etc.). Family traditions are important but, just as families grow and change, some traditions may have to change as well. Hold on to the traditions and rituals that are most important to your family, but understand that it may be time for some traditions to change. Work together to come up with a compromise that everyone can live with. Ask each person in the family to take responsibility for some part of the holiday plans. Knowing ahead of time what the priorities and plans are will avoid disappointment and hurt feelings later.
F -- Family matters -- During the holiday season, extended families come together, often traveling great distances. While it may be wonderful to visit with relatives not often seen, you need to plan ahead to avoid being physically drained by what should be an enjoyable experience. Whether they come to your home or you go to theirs, talk to them ahead of time and explain that you have a chronic illness which limits your activity and requires you to rest at regular intervals. Then, when you decline an invitation to go sightseeing or politely excuse yourself to go take a nap, you do not have to explain or feel guilty. Keep in mind that your first responsibility is to yourself and your immediate family. If you are not feeling up to a large family gathering this year, simply explain that, as much as you would love to see everyone, your health will not allow you to participate this year. Good communication with your family is a key to a happy holiday season. However, sometimes when we are not feeling well our attempts at communication may sound more like whining or complaining. Try to speak in a calm, logical, factual manner as you make plans or explain your limitations to family and friends. Be aware that some people may not understand at first but, if you calmly stand your ground, most will eventually come around.
T -- Think ahead -- A large portion of holiday stress comes from the last-minute rush to get everything done. Begin to plan your holiday season at least two months in advance. Put your plans on paper so that they are not lost in an unexpected attack of "fibro-fog." Make a gift list, write out menus and formulate a "to do" agenda. The next step is to simplify and delegate. Look at each item on your list and ask yourself, "Is this really important to me and/or my family?" If not, take it off the list. If it meets the importance criteria, ask, "Can someone else do this for me?" If so, delegate it. If not, your final question should be, "What is the easiest way to accomplish this?" Sometimes we make things harder on ourselves than they have to be simply because we don't take time to figure out whether there is an easier way. Once you have fine-tuned your list, look at the remaining items and try to accomplish at least a portion of your plan each week. Accept the fact that you will have some bad days. Allow yourself extra time in your schedule so that one or two bad days will not ruin your entire holiday season. By not waiting until the last minute to do everything, you might just have enough energy left over to actually enjoy the holidays.
Give yourself a G.I.F.T. this year and have a happier, healthier holiday season!
Other Tips To Reduce Holiday Stress
1) Avoid the stress and exhaustion of holiday shopping by ordering your gifts from catalogs and TV shopping channels. An added benefit is that out-of-town gifts can be sent directly to the recipients, saving you the hassle of finding a box, packaging the gifts and waiting in line at the post office.
2) Use gift bags instead of traditional wrapping. (Dollar-type stores, catalogs and TV shopping channels often offer low-cost assortments of gift bags.)
3) Each year, between busy schedules and increased postage costs, fewer and fewer people send holiday cards. If you still feel you must send some cards, be selective. Only send them to close friends and family whom you seldom see.
4) When everyone is coming to your house for dinner, ask each one to bring one or two dishes, leaving yourself only one or two simple items to prepare.
5) If you are going out of town to visit relatives for the holidays, consider staying at a hotel for at least part of the time. Having a separate haven will reduce your stress by giving you a sense of control over your own space and activities for at least a portion of each day.
6) If the demands of your extended family are more than you can handle each year, consider making an annual holiday vacation a new family tradition. (Try a western dude ranch, a chalet in the mountains, or a warm tropical beach.) This can be a special bonding time for you and your immediate family. You will not feel compelled to cook, and you will probably reduce the size of your gift list because everything will have to fit in a car or on a plane.
Maintaining a Positive Attitude: Ten Strategies
Deborah A. Barrett, PhD
Reprinted from www.fmaware.org
Deborah A. Barrett has a Ph.D. in Sociology from Stanford University. Since then she has worked as a postdoctoral fellow at University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, Emory University, and Duke University
"Have a positive attitude." How many times have we heard that one? While our emotions can not cause fibromyalgia or chronic fatigue syndrome, they no doubt affect our symptoms. But how can we maintain good thoughts when our bodies feel so lousy? This challenge, of course, does not pertain exclusively to chronic illness, but to any time when things do not go as we wish. But in the case of ongoing illness, seeing the positive presents a continuous struggle.
Yet our moods are not perfectly correlated with our physical state. Most likely we can all recall times that despite much pain or fatigue, we were able to cope and even achieve high spirits. Perhaps the weather was perfect, good friends visited, we just accomplished something or helped somebody, making us feel good about ourselves. Other times, depression seems to take hold even when our physical discomfort is at a manageable level. Why is this? Answering this question is the key to finding optimism.
To me, the vicissitudes of fibromyalgia feel like a swim in the turbulent sea -- sometimes it seems we have fallen and the waves continue to crash on our heads, as we fight to rise, only to be knocked down yet again. But that same ocean sometimes allows us to find a wave we can ride smoothly to the shore.
What can we do when we feel under the waves? How can we find the strength to climb back on top, and the patience to know that we will? Here are ten cognitive exercises I use to maintain the most positive attitude I can:
1. Expect bumps! It is important to acknowledge that we will sometimes feel down. Who wouldn't in our condition? But by expecting rather than dreading down time, such periods become more tolerable. In addition, recognizing that we will have blue periods helps keep them in perspective. We will be able to say to ourselves, "I was depressed before, and got out of it; this time, too, it will pass." It is easy to forget that before our illness, there were times we felt down. Now these periods are wrapped up in our medical problems; but everyone gets depressed some of the time. After accepting that we will sometimes feel sad, and even experience self pity, we can concentrate on ways to shorten these periods and make them fewer and farther between.
2. Track the changes. Keeping track of moods helps put ups and downs into perspective. During your best times, make a conscious attempt to capture the feeling. Leave notes on your wall attesting to the way you feel. Living with chronic illness easily creates a Jekyll-and-Hyde persona, where your optimistic self and your flare-up self are not sufficiently acquainted. When we feel bad, it becomes quite difficult to imagine that things can be otherwise. Similarly, during times of improvement, it's amazing how quickly we may forget how bad a previous period was, making subsequent flare-ups not only intolerable but shocking. Counting and measuring the duration of the bad times -- as well as the good ones -- can put them into perspective. It may be that over time, our worst occurs about once a month, although it feels much more frequent. This knowledge is empowering, because we can remind ourselves that a bad flare is, for example, our monthly temporary setback, and find ways to ride it out until our baseline returns.
3. Stockpile fun distractions. We all need to keep lists handy of the things that make us happy. One of the cruelties of our condition is that when we need distractions most, we are least equipped to seek them out. For this reason it is important to compile a list of our favorite activities when we are feeling optimistic to be used when we most need them. People with fibromyalgia often describe how even their worst pain can be put on a back burner, so to speak, when they become engrossed in an activity. This is not only a psychological but a physiological response: our brains can only process so much input at once. When we are engrossed in a beautiful movie, talking to a good friend on the phone, or listening to our favorite music while lying on a heating pad or in the bathtub, we can trick our pain receptors into leaving us alone! Meanwhile improvements in spirit have an added impact on our entire well-being. Laughter is good medicine; while dwelling on our troubles tends to compound them.
4. Shape your perspective. Is the glass half empty or half full? Perspective determines, quite literally, how we view the world. Having a chronic illness creates an ambiguous construction of reality for us. Am I, for example, a successful cripple or an unsuccessful professional? In American culture, much emphasis is placed on independence, individualism, and achievement. Through this lens, developing a condition that makes us feel more dependent and less productive is likely to be a huge disappointment. Yet as we get older, it becomes more likely that we, or somebody close to us, will experience debilitating problems. People are often forced to adapt to sudden, new conditions by adopting a perspective that accommodates change. Our perspectives are shaped by the comparisons we make and the expectations they create. Consider, for example, the immigrant who had been practicing medicine in his home country, but flees to the US to escape a repressive political regime. Here he works as a janitor; after years of medical study, he has lost a prestigious and rewarding occupation. Yet he is thankful for the opportunity to work and wakes each day driven by hope, perhaps, of a better future for his children. Yet his difficulties are also quite apparent. What keeps his spirits up and makes him thankful rather than bitter? His perspective.
5. Create a new self. If we hang on tightly to the "old self" we were, finding the value of our "new self" becomes increasingly difficult. (We may even exaggerate how fit that person was: "I didn't need any sleep, I never felt bad, I could do anything!"). This does not mean we should totally discard our previous conception of self; rather, we need to find a way to integrate the two. In other words, we should seek to find in our new bodies new ways to enjoy and experience the things that we had done before. Consider all the aspects of yourself that you like, and the things that you most want to do; then step by step, find ways to achieve as many of these as you can. At the same time, recognize that our expectations must shift so that we can once again meet them.
6. Don't forget the good stuff. While the physical symptoms of fibromyalgia can feel all-encompassing, there are other parts of our life--our social relationships, passions, family -- that also exist. By focusing on the positive aspects of our life, we become more aware of how many there are: the friends that stuck by us, the things we still enjoy, and the accomplishments we have been able to make, however small, under very different conditions. Because each task now represents a challenge, we should celebrate whatever we manage to accomplish. As we have been told many times, if we shorten the list and pace ourselves whatever we do eventually adds up to something to be very proud of.
7. "Oy, it could be worse." (The Jewish mantra). As comparisons shape our view, it is helpful to find comparisons that will provide a fuller appreciation for what has befallen us. OK, the "eat because children are starving in (fill in the developing country)" did not work for you as a child. But try to think of it this way: Many bad things happen in the world. The odds are that some of them will happen to us. Not because of anything that we have done, but because, as the saying goes, shit happens. It takes only a short view of the evening news to remind ourselves of the horrors occurring every day. So, this is what has happened to us. We too were caught. Let us examine what we have: (a) We know our condition is not terminal, so we need not begin contemplating our pending mortality. (b) As bad as we sometimes feel, our underlying condition is not going to get worse. We have already experienced the worst, and, to our credit, have gotten through it. (c) Although few people achieve permanent remission, many improve significantly. As we understand how our actions and emotions influence our general well-being, we can find ways to partake in more and more activities.
8. Keep the hope alive! There is so much room for hope. It has only been since the 1990s that our condition has acquired any legitimacy from the medical community. We are in a far better position than the generations before us who suffered without ever receiving validation. We know much more about the important roles of exercise, medication, stretching, pacing and meditation to bring relief and a sense of control. Furthermore, as medical research increases, it is only a matter of time before better therapies (and perhaps even a cure!) are introduced.
9. Lean on me! A single most important predictor of how we do is the support network we create. We certainly appreciate what it means when someone helps us when we feel especially lousy. Make sure that, within your means, you continue to be a good friend to those you care about. We still have lots to give. During a good moment, write to a friend that you are thinking about her. Help your family and friends find ways to maintain their relationship with you. Invite them to your place to eliminate traveling (and do not worry what your place looks like! They came to see you, not your housecleaning abilities). Try to be open with family members, while at the same time supportive of their needs. Put yourself in their shoes as often as possible -- it can be scary to have someone you love be sick! Also make sure to seek help outside of your immediate circle so as not to drain your closest friends and family. There are now all sorts of support groups, both live and in virtual computer space.
10. Indulge whenever you can. We have lots of time to focus on our thoughts. Most people do not have the luxury of taking time to relax and think. OK, we did not ask for these "time outs." They are demanded by the needs of our bodies. Nevertheless, we have control over how we use this extra time. Instead of dwelling on what our bodies are not doing, give your fantasy full liberty. Turn these rest periods around to be indulgent time. In our mental playground, we can practice dance steps we used to know (for there will be some times we can dance!). We can use the time to think through problems we face and how we want to spend time when we are feeling ready, or we can analyze a movie we recently saw, say prayers, or mentally write a letter to a friend. The article you are now reading is a product of a spell in the middle of the night, when I lay in bed, unable to sleep. After taking steps to make myself more comfortable, I decided to think about what I would write next. I figured that if I fell asleep, great! But if not, I'd have thought through my next article. It was about this point when I, satisfied, went off to dreamland.
When You Love Halloween, But Your Hands Don't
Reprinted from www.arthritis.org Carving a pumpkin can be a challenge even if your hands arent affected by arthritis. Here are some ways you can get festive for Halloween without it hurting.
Put on a costume. Who says only kids can dress up? Stuff some old clothes with crumbled newspaper. Use a small pumpkin for the head. Add a hat, sunglasses and draw on scary mouth.
Throw a party. Have a few friends over for a pumpkin carving party. You supply the chips, dips and drinks. They can carve an extra pumpkin for your front steps.
Go abstract. Paint or color your pumpkin instead of carving it. It doesnt have to be intricate or even be a face. One example is you can use markers, paint and even stickers to create a psychedelic pumpkin with 60s-era phrases like far out and groovy, man. Then on Halloween, you can dress like a hippie to give out candy.
Fake it. Buy a pre-made glass, plastic or ceramic pumpkin that you can use year after year. Or you can string your door with pumpkin-shaped lights or hang a pumpkin banner from your front steps.
10 Simple Household Solutions
Originally published in Arthritis Today By Dianne Witter
Reprinted from www.arthritis.org
If mobility limitations have made navigating your home increasingly difficult, don't stake a "For Sale" sign in the yard just yet.
"There's no reason to be inconvenienced by a house that doesn't work for you," says Bill Paglia Scheff, a contractor with the Corporation for Independent Living in Bloomfield, Conn.
To make it work for you, he suggests these relatively inexpensive and easy modifications that most anyone who's handy can tackle:
1. Replace your doorknobs with levers, which do not require grasping and turning.
2. Install roll-out shelving in your cabinets.
3. Lower closet racks to the height that works best for you.
4. Raise electrical outlets and lower light switches to the height that is easiest for you. (This requires an electrician.)
5. Replace knob-type faucets in showers and sinks with levers. (This may require a plumber's help.)
6. Install raised toilet seats.
7. Add ramp access to a low deck or sunken den.
8. Install grab bars in hallways and bathrooms.
9. Widen doorways.
10. Add heavy-duty, non-slip flooring.
Feng Shui 101
Originally published in Arthritis Today By Stacy Baker
Reprinted from www.arthritis.org
If you sleep well in blue-painted rooms, become energetic in yellow ones or just don't feel right in certain areas of your home, you're experiencing what the Asian culture has been talking about for 2,000 years. Feng Shui, the Asian art of object placement and color, promotes working with your surroundings to bring harmony into your environment.
"Feng Shui addresses specific areas of the body because each area is related to different areas of your home, with the center of the home related to overall balance, health included," says Susan Pildis, co-director of The New England School of Feng Shui in Chesire, Conn., who specializes in helping people with health issues.
Pildis emphasizes that Feng Shui is best used simultaneously with other traditional and alternative treatments. Here are some ways to incorporate Feng Shui into your life to help ease health-related problems.
Problem: Sleeplessness
Traditional remedy: Medication, new mattress
Feng Shui: Add greens, blues and neutral colors in bedroom; face bed to the door; have stability behind you like a headboard; close bathroom door; avoid too many mirrors in bedroom; display calming pictures.
Problem: Pain
Traditional remedy: Medication, heat/ cold therapy
Feng Shui: Add cheerful colors such as yellow; add upward-growing plants and happy pictures of yourself; avoid sharp angles pointing at you.
Problem: Low energy
Traditional remedy: Sleep, exercise, vitamins, healthy diet
Feng Shui: Add bright colors to the room (red, yellow or orange); remove droopy plants; add flowers and thriving plants; add vibrant pictures.
Problem: Stress
Traditional remedy: Medication, massage
Feng Shui: Add mirrors; do not block entrances; avoid irritants such as doors that collide or don't open fully, or drippy faucets; avoid pure white walls - they're considered stressful. |
