OK Sparky... now's your big chance to see if you even qualify as a Catholic Caveman. Heaps of fun, and it might even make you think about things you never even considered! Remember, keep score... there is a grading at the end. A "yes" answer is one point, a "no" is zip. Ya never know, YOU just might be a Catholic Caveman as well!

1. Family and friends are shocked to see that you still go to Mass after seeing your misspent youth first hand.

2. You have often wondered "Gee, The Vatican has it's own army, but no nuclear delivery system... how odd"

3. You really do enjoy the taste of Guinness.

4. You kneel for Holy Communion out of reverence.

5. You kneel for Holy Communion just to piss off the liberal priest.

6. You refuse to use the word "gay", but opt for the more correct "sodomite".

7. You enjoy refering to sodomites as such, just to watch them pitch a hissy fit.

8. You have either "The Quiet Man" or "Sands of Iwo Jima" in your video collection.

9. You still cross yourself when passing in front of a church.

10. You have ever turned the garden hose on Jehovah's Witnesses.

11. (Americans only) At any point in your life, you have served in the Armed Forces. (Irish, Canadians, Aussies, Kiwis and Scotsmen only) You still have the blood on your Regimental Kilt from the last idiot who called it a "skirt".

12. Upon finding out that John Wayne was Baptized a Catholic on his deathbed, you have since called for his Canonization. (how cool would it be to say "I attend Mass at St Duke's"?)

13. You believe that some deserve the death penalty

14. You believe that some deserve the death penalty REAL SLOW

15. You enjoy living Down South because you agree that saying "Ya Honnah, that boy just NEEDED killin'" is a legitimate legal defense in a court of law.

16. You understand that The Right To Bare Arms has nothing to do with tank-tops.

17. You know the difference between the Dead Sea and the Holy See.

18. You are fully convinced that the National Past Time of France is collaborating with the Germans.

19. Both "Ride of the Valkyrie" and "Freebird" equally pump you up to bang weights.

20. During a Force March (or any other equally unpleasant task) you think to yourself "just offer it up".

21. Your idea of true Ecumenism is Knight of Columbus and the National Rifle Association having a beer bust.

22. You wish Charleton Heston was Catholic.

23. You wish Teddy "fat-boy" Kennedy wasn't.

24. You have ever voted for Pat Buchanan.

25. You KNOW that some dude sloshing his manhood around in some other dude's feces filled colon is one sick puppy!

26. After bangin' weights, "Tantum Ergo" and/or "Jesu, Joy Of Mans Desiring" is what it takes to bring you down.

27. Your idea of a "killer abs work-out" is drinking lots of beer and then throwing up for half an hour.

28. You realize that a Mariachi Band has absolutely nothing to do with a Latin Mass

29. You really do try to embrace your sufferings, much to Sister Mary Polyester's chagrin.

30. You knew all along that here was no reason to take this test... you KNOW that you're a Catholic Caveman!


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OK, time to see how you fared


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0-3 - You are the Anti-Christ

4-6 - You worship dirt

7-10 - You are enrolled at a Jesuit college (luther would be proud at the state of so-called Catholic higher education)

11-13 - You are the RCIA Facilitator and/or Social Justice Chair Person of Undertermined Gender at Sts. Fidel and Che parish in Berkley, California

14-16 - You are a Southern Baptist

17-19 - You are a conservative Episcopalian

20-23 - You are a conservative Novus Ordo type, but are ready to Come Home to true Catholicism

24-26 - You are the breastplate and chainmail smythe at the local Latin Mass

27-29 - Not only are you a traditional Catholic, but you also run a combination Rosary/loin cloth wholesalers buisiness from your home

30 - Greetings fellow Caveman!